Pleasure as Self-Care and Activism in the Midst of Chaos and Uncertainty

If your experience is anything like mine, pleasure is definitely not at the front of your mind lately!

If you’re like me, you’ve been busy digesting the news, keeping your family safe, and trying to stay sane while juggling different work schedules and environments, kids and partner, homeschooling, and whether there will be toilet paper available next week. 

Maybe you’ve lost the plot on pleasure during this time. Or perhaps you’re having plenty of it (and maybe even feeling guilty about it). I’ve certainly been in both those places at points during this lockdown!

Either way, let’s talk about why you might want to focus on pleasure right now and how you can dance with it in the midst of chaos and uncertainty.

First, what is pleasure? When we hear the word pleasure, it’s often associated with sexuality. But that’s not what I mean. In this context, pleasure means joy, and the aliveness of connecting with the flow of life energy. It definitely includes sensuality and sexuality, but it’s so much more than that.

What does pleasure mean to you?

I want to start by acknowledging the immense privilege of even being able to have this conversation. For me being able to write this, and for many people reading, it means we have a comfortable place to live, and internet access, and we are safe and ok. So very many people right now are in dire, painful, or tragic circumstances. 

Given all that, is it right to talk about pleasure right now? Is it even relevant given the current circumstances? I have asked myself these questions over the last weeks, and you might also be wondering.  

I am going to offer one point of view.

Many, many people are not safe right now. Many women are not safe to claim their space and their own bodies. Even before this pandemic that was true. 

When I feel into all of that – the pain of the world, the fear, the guilt about my own privilege – underneath that is a fiery desire to make things better. Acknowledging and being with all these tender layers of pain and sadness is what generates the fuel to be of service.

I believe pleasure is a way of being part of the solution.

I believe that when we make a stand to reclaim our bodies and our pleasure, and to expand our fullness of being in the world, it is a form of activism. 

When we reclaim our bodies and our pleasure, we hold the energy as a kind of devotion. We do it for all the people who can’t. For all the women whose bodies and pleasure are not their own. For those who don’t have the privilege of pleasure. For all the ones who walked this path before us: those who were vision-holders of a more beautiful world – who laid the foundation for the space some of us can now enjoy; and for those who never had a chance. We do this for the ones who will come after, ourselves vision-holders for their future.

In this way, our pleasure holds the resonance of intention. Through the act of claiming and cultivating our pleasure, we hold the intention for self-sovereignty, for claiming the fullness of our bodies, and for the more beautiful world our souls desire. 

Our cultivation of pleasure holds the resonance for what comes next. For what we are expanding into.

A great many things need to change in our world. This pandemic has only further exposed the places where our society is broken and failing. 

Cultivating pleasure might not be a practical solution. But it does generate the energy and the resonance to become fertile soil from which to expand.

It is self-care that resonates out into your sphere of influence.

It is activism in defiance of structures and institutions that see our fullness, our wild, our truth, and our pleasure, as inconvenient, threatening, or simply other. 

As Audrey Lorde wrote in her essay Uses of The Erotic: The Erotic as Power: 

“Recognizing the power of the erotic within our lives can give us the energy to pursue genuine change within our world… For not only do we touch our most profoundly creative source, but we do that which is female and self-affirming in the face of a racist, patriarchal and anti-erotic society. In touch with the erotic, I become less willing to accept powerlessness. Acts against oppression become integral with self, motivated and empowered from within.” 

I’m here for that. 

So what can we do in these chaotic and uncertain times to cultivate pleasure?

First, I invite you to consider that pleasure is always available, as a natural part of the life force energy that flows through everything. This energy within you wants to be creative and generative. 

We can receive a lot of pleasure from external sources, such as a lover’s caress, or a delicious bite of food, but this sensation of pleasure actually arises from within our bodies, from within our beings. The external experiences simply activate this sensation of pleasure that is yours already, deep inside.

Once you begin to dance with your pleasure, you will find that all of living is an opportunity for sensual enjoyment. You become more sensitized to the pleasure that is always available.

The possibilities are truly endless, and pleasure is also uniquely personal, so take these ideas as a starting point and then see this as an invitation to bring your own brand of magic to your pleasure exploration.

1. Start where you are.

As often as possible, bring your awareness and attention to your body: what’s present right now? What state is your body in? 

Bring yourself into the present moment by noticing your physical body in time and space. Slow down, look around your space, really see where you are, the time of day, how you feel in this moment. Feel your feet on the ground and feel all 10 toes connected to the surface below. Let all the parts of you catch up to right now. 

It’s much easier to get to pleasure when your nervous system is calm, present, centered, and grounded.

2. Once you get centered, see if you can notice anything in your body or in the space right around you that feels good.

If you can’t find anything that feels good, then see if you can find something that doesn’t feel actively bad. Focus your attention there like a kind of mindfulness practice. If that sensation loses its pleasure, look for something else.

For example, you might notice you feel really rested after sleeping well last night. You might notice the way your legs are feeling strong after doing yoga consistently the past week. You might feel the fabric of your shirt on your skin and it feels pleasant. You might notice you like the way the cool tile feels beneath your feet.

Create these moments of connection to pleasure as often as you can.

3. Make pleasure rituals out of your everyday life.

Your attention and intention can make a pleasure ritual out of the most ordinary moments in your day. You can simply focus on what is pleasurable about an ordinary moment, or you can juice up an ordinary moment by exploring what might make it more pleasurable. 

For example, you might simply notice the pleasure of choosing an outfit and getting dressed – the fabric on your skin, the colors, the way you feel in these clothes. Or you might explore what could make this ordinary act more pleasurable. Could you play some music, or enjoy applying your favorite scent, or choose a beautiful piece of jewelry?

You might simply notice the pleasure of making and drinking a cup of tea: the way the tea smells, the warmth of the mug in your hands, the feeling of heat in your belly. Or you might juice this ordinary event up by lighting a candle, using a special cup, or enjoying your tea on your back porch. 

Even washing your hands is an opportunity for creating a pleasure ritual. Notice the warmth of the water, the scent of your soap, and how it feels to caress your hands. 

4. A daily pleasure check in.

Maybe you post a note on your bathroom mirror or set an alarm on your phone to check in with pleasure. 

Notice: how is my body; have I felt pleasure today; what pleasure would I desire to feel today?

You might choose to follow any inspiration that comes from your check in, or you might not, depending on the day. 

The idea is not to make this into a chore or another item on your to-do list! The intention is to create some structure for pleasure to become more habitual. Sometimes, structure is the container that creates space for flow to happen, like the banks of a river, instead of the water just scattering everywhere incoherently.

5. Create some special pleasure rituals.

If you have the time, space, and emotional bandwidth, you can make up some personal pleasure rituals to enjoy. 

This can be as simple as taking 30 minutes for a hot bath where you light candles, use your favorite bath gel, play beautiful music, and massage some delicious oil into your skin afterwards. 

Maybe you take time to dance in your living room, or make a special meal to eat by candlelight, or create some art. 

Are you ready to reclaim space for the fullness of your being? What would your pleasure have you do?