Will You Ever Be Satisfied?

It’s not enough.

Fuck. I know.

It’s. Not. Enough.

You can barely even admit it silently to yourself, and yet, there it is.

Your heart whispers and tugs at your skirt, but all you can hear are the external voices echoing their admonishments in your head. The wagging finger of the patriarchy, your dad, your religion, your friends, media, all saying….

Who are you to want more?

You already have so much.

That will go straight to your hips, honey.

You should be grateful.

Blessed are the poor and meek.

It’s kinda slutty, isn’t it?

Many people don’t even have as much as you.

They won’t take you seriously.

The holiest are the ones who give up worldly attachments.

Be practical.

And so on. You know I could fill the whole page. You have your own private litany that you recite to yourself like a prayer, invoking the very thing that’s keeping what you really want just out of reach.

Even your own voice chimes in with doubt and fear…

Maybe I’ll never be satisfied. Maybe the problem is ME. Something must be wrong with me.

So you try meditating to de-identify with your ego.

You take an aerial yoga class.

You join a book club.

You get drunk with the girls at a piano bar.

You lose 20 lbs.

You get bruised all over taking hits in Krav Maga.

You try pole dancing.

You hike 10, 20 miles, which is the best of all because the earth is beneath your feet and the horizon is calling you forward …..

But it doesn’t stop the whispering in your heart that there’s something more.

I can tell you two things I know for sure:

One… That little voice? The one that keeps pulling at you, saying it’s not enough, I want more….? It doesn’t go away.

You can try to ignore it, but it will keep popping up like a notification on your phone: “Software Update Available – will be downloaded automatically when connected to (power) source.”

When your Soul’s calling, she just gets louder and louder until you listen.

And sometimes the universe even pulls the carpet out from under you to get you to pay attention. You end up rocked to the core, wondering why…

It’s because you didn’t come here to be fine with a mostly ok existence. You didn’t come here just to drift along in a haze of lattes and Netflix because it should be good enough.

If you found me, and you’re here reading this, you KNOW deep down that you’re here for more than that.

You’re here to birth something new on this planet. A new frequency of consciousness, a new way of being, a dusting-off of the Old Ways and creating something new that arises out of YOUR embodied truth.

For yourself, and for the collective.

Here’s the second thing I know… Once you turn towards that voice, even just a little, you can’t go back. You can’t UNSEE. You can’t un-know.

Does that scare you a little?

This path is not for the faint of heart. It’s deep. It’s messy. It’s fucking glorious in the best and worst ways.

But you took the red pill already, didn’t you?

It’s what led you here and now you’re wondering: what do I do next?

Don’t worry, I got you. I know what to do next. I’m a Soul Doula – helping you birth your true, authentic Self. And just like birth, this process is messy, and sometimes painful, and you can’t exactly control it, and it’s so, so worth it in the end.

But this isn’t about me.

It’s about you and that question you keep asking in your heart about whether what you have is good enough.

Maybe? It might be plenty enough for some. But it’s not enough for you, or else you wouldn’t be here.

And that’s actually ok.

It’s the Old Ways that are trying to hang on for dear life that are telling you it’s a problem to want more. But it’s not a problem. It’s ok to want more. In fact, everything depends on it. (No pressure, though, right?! Ha.)

We cannot birth something New for our Selves, or our world from the same spaces that created the Old. It won’t be born from “good enough.” We have to liberate our souls out from their prisons if we want to right the ship. And we must right the ship, not only to save ourselves.

But we don’t need to figure all that out. We don’t need to analyze it, talk about it, or read about it. You don’t need more info, or another To-Do list. If that was the answer, Goddess knows you’d have done the thing already. You’ve Mistressed To-Do’ing up and down and twice on Wednesdays.

Meanwhile your soul keeps on longing.

Meanwhile the horizon of possibility is calling you forward.

Meanwhile all the women in your lineage, your ancestors, are right now, this very moment, dreaming YOU into being, while staring into their candle flames in the Quantum Field.

They are dreaming of the One who is free.

Many of us are the first in our lines to have access to the potentiality of living our deep, authentic, soul-truth. So really, who are we NOT to answer this call? Who are we to ignore the little whispers inside that say this is not enough, I want more?

The real question is not: who am I to want more? The real question is: Who am I to turn away?

So! What now?

Where do you go from here?

My love, the only way is to turn towards the whispers that say, simply, “More.”

To give them permission to be here.

To give them space, and more space.

To let them get louder.

To let them roar through you out into the world.

And then to let them move you forward.

Your “doing” fueled by the wild truth of your Soul.

The way out is IN.

In to your Self. To your Truth.

The way to rise is to go DOWN.

Down out of your head and into your body… into your depths.

If you want direct support with this, woman, GET ON MY SCHEDULE! Let’s talk. I know how to guide you back home to your body, back home to your SELF. I know how to lead you into the dark shadows and back out again, initiated into your own embodied Truth.